my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She's like a pop up book from hell.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize