sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
