In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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