chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
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