ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
