WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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