Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I stole a fireplace last night.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
