idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
