she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
