after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
