I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
