Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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