If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
