we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
