I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My bed smells like the plague
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize