Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
