they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
