Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize