I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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