Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
