My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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