the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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