A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
