hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
