So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
