twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
