I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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