Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
This house was built for laser tag.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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