omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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