I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I will die if light touches me.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
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