i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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