Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
