tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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