You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
