1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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