I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
