buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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