He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
