I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
