I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
