this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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