I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
