I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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