Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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