Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
