On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
