Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize