When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
