So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
