so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
