batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
two words: eviction party
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You need Xanax blowdarts
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
