She's JV to your varsity
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize