Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
