a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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