I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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