Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
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