There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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