Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize