Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
