i just wanna soil my oats bro
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
