I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
